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Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Without You-Poem

What should I do... what is there to say?

Thinking of you all of my nights and days
Unknown and incomprehensible...
Complex yet perfectly simple...
A whole yet feeling void...
Without you...

There is no dream left in my heart.
No longer seeing you...
No longer understanding you...
As if you were always a treasured secret... 

A mystery...

Without you...
There is nothing left in me...
Restlessness in my heart.
Thoughts roaming within my mind
Constantly thinking of that one name
Always searching for that one face..
Why do you not see?
Without you... 

I am a sky without clouds. Empty...

Without you...
There is nothing left within me
Each breath I take makes me feel further away from you.
Nothing is left in my heart.
It beats but resents each second of life without you...
No happiness.
Only longing for your return
Why can you not see my broken dreams?
Why do you not return?

Without you.. There is nothing in me.
The day goes and comes...
Darkness comes and leaves...
Why do you not return and take away this darkness in my life?
Take away the darkness I feel...
Without you.

Please come back...
Bring in a light that shines brighter than a thousand suns...

Bring me back my life...
My existence...
The one I lost without you...

Please return or take me with you...

Living like this hurts...
Tears always trickling gently down my cheeks...
Without you...

Rich Girls Back in Town: Chapter 1

Chapter 1 

This school is so perfect. I can not believe that I am actually back! I have been dying for this. I stepped foot into the halls of Mountain Creek High School and let go of the air that I did not even know was held in. The doors I used must be close to the freshman lockers because everyone around looks little. Every year, it seems like people are getting shorter and shorter. I definitely know I could not look that short. Did I look that short? 

I stopped babbling in my head and began walking towards the admissions office to pick up my schedule. I checked my reflection on the glass door, and ran a hand through my dark, brown hair. I took in a deep breath and opened the door. Here we go.

In the office, there was a plump old lady typing away on an old computer. The woman had a forest of scarlet curls revolving around her round face. She seemed like one of those typical secretaries. As soon as she heard the door close behind me, she glanced my way and fixed her glasses. "Hello, you seem new here. What is your name, and what do you need?" Blunt, no?

I straightened my back and pointed my eyes towards her. "I am Courtney Anderson, and I came here for my schedule. I am a transfer student from Meadowlands Private School."

"Meadowlands is a pretty nice school, no? Why did you decide to transfer? Did your parents go bankrupt or something?" How dare she insult my parents like that!

I tried to keep myself calm enough as to not strangle her, but my tone of voice sounded like a snake's. "NO. I decided that high school was getting boring," she was clicking 

loudly on her computer. "So I wanted to transfer."  

Her face looked at me as if I was a mess. I did not think so. I even dressed like a typical teenager would instead of wearing my nerd suits. I had on a jade-green top and faded dark-blue jeans. I could not look that terrible. Wait, why do I care what the old lady thinks of me? "Bratty children of rich parents," did she say something?


"Pick up your schedule here at the printer." She pointed here chubby fingers towards a printer that looked even older than her ugly computer. I walked up to it and picked up the paper that was printing from it. I glanced through the schedule. I had Spanish III Honors first. Interesting.


"Yes...?" She said it as if I was boring her to death. I get her job is boring, but why does she have to annoy me about that? Something is telling me that this lady and I are definitely not going to get along well. Aw well, her loss. I won't invite her to my parties like I used to invite other people to kiss-up.

Well, they weren't invited to my parties but to a conference with my parents at their office building place while I was partying at home. I am famous for my parties. That is exactly the only reason why the bitchy popular girls even acknowledged my presence in Meadowland. I still hated them though and treated them like garbage. Why should I care? My best friends were the only people in that entire school that didn't bitch-talk about each other. Well, that is why I chose them. Too bad.

I fake-smiled at her and began, "Well, I don't really know how to get myself across the school building. Is there a map I can use?"

She fake-smiled back at me; maybe, she just realized that being on my good side could have its benefits. Let's see how she acts from now on. She might get invited to one of those conferences. "Sorry."

Did she smile because she likes to see people suffer? I hate her more now! "Huh?" I spoke as if I was dumb enough to actually not understand that she hated me.

"We don't have a map, at all."

"Then, will you take me?" If I do not get a map, I am surely not going to let her sit on that computer chair like an animal while I suffer!

"I would, but darling, there is a better option." What is this lady babbling about? A better option! She is acting sweet for no reason at all! Wait, did she call me a darling? In that freaky sugar-coated voice?

I decided to mimic the woman and coated my voice with a ton of rich milk-chocolate and caramelized sugar. "Miss.."

"Mrs Calvin" was all she said.

"Mrs Calvin, what is this better option you speak of?"

"I could have you go on a tour with one of the top students in Mountain Creek."

"Oh, that would be alright." What am I getting myself into? Everyone knows the so-called top students are total nerds. Well, I guess I am a nerd too. But still! This high school is supposed to get me away from them, not make me a part of the nerd gang that gets bullied by obnoxious jocks. Relax, Courtney, relax. Think about it this way, at least you will make a friend. Isn't that great? My first friend is a complete nerd. Mrs Calvin, the destroyer-of-all-happiness-ever, gestured for me to follow her.

She walked down the hall. I noticed she was wearing a typical secretary outfit. She had on this old-fashioned dress and heels. Those heels were beginning to make me go crazy! They kept clicking and clacking on the ground as if I was supposed to pay attention to them. They made so much noise that even a designer Gucci bag couldn't get your mind off of.

After about two centuries of clicks and clacks, she finally stopped walking. I need to thank God tonight that I am not going to go on the tour with HER. I saw her talking in the room with the teacher. I didn't bother looking there though because I knew I didn't really care. Then, when I heard her clicking start, I looked into the room. She was standing to face the door and this guy was standing with his back to the door. He was hot. He had sandy brown hair and an amazing body. I couldn't see his face but I bet it was just as pretty.

When him and Mrs Calvin, the sweet secretary, were done talking, they came out. I still haven't seen his face. I can't believe how bipolar I am about Mrs Calvin. I never do this, ever, before now.

Mrs Calvin and the boy walk out. He looks like a piece of heaven. His face is perfectly chiseled. The boy has high cheekbone and beautiful cerulean eyes that any girl would dream of drowning into. He must be a player from the way he is checking me out right now. Only a total player would check me out. I'm not too pleasing for the eye with my dark brown hair, dull hazel eyes, and tanned skin. We kept looking at each other until I snapped out of it, or was snapped out of it, by Mrs Calvin. She was right. I like this guy a ton more than I could ever like her.

We started walking down the halls and he started pointing to things and talking about how they were all important, as if I care. I was just looking at him. We did not bother spending time for introductions because he had some sports thing to go to so we just set off for the tour. I don't know why but his perfectly chiseled face seems oddly familiar to me. It feels like I have seen him before. Maybe I just saw him around town. I only remember two people from here, and only one of them is a guy. Plus, when I left, he looked so chubby. He couldn't change that much. He did play sports though.

All of a sudden, the cute guy stopped walking. He began speaking in his incredibly husly voice, "Well, our tour is over."

"Yeah." I smiled at him.

"So.. I have a minute or two left. Introductions?"

"Oh, yeah, I totally forgot. Should I go first or should that be you?"

"Me." He smirked a smirk that almost perfectly resembled HIS smirk. I feel like I have known him for a while.

"Alright." I looked over his features and compared them with HIS. No, this guy can not be him.

"My name is Patrick," it is him. My eyes started filling with tears somehow while he finished, "Patrick-"

I cut him off before he could say anything more and hurt me, "Benson. You're Patrick Benson. And I am Courtney." A tear trickled slowly down my cheek.

Realization hit him and he whispered softly, perhaps to himself, "Courtney Anderson, that's why she looked similar."

I turned around before I cried more and ran away towards the bathroom, even though I had no idea where that was. I don't care either. I can't believe I forgot about him and everything. I should have at least thought to remember why I wanted to leave the middle school here in the first place. What should I do now? Transfer back. No, my parents will not let me transfer after my first day. I'll just get yelled at. They just don't know the reasons why I need to leave.

I finally found the bathroom and ran in through the doors. I leaned against the wall and before I knew it I was sobbing away and pools of water were sliding down my cheeks. I stayed there sobbing like a maniac for what seemed like a lifetime. Finally, I let one last teardrop trickle down my chin after realizing that I would cry over this no longer. I have cried enough. I took out my phone and texted Maddie to tell her everything that had happened.

Rich Girls Back in Town: Prologue


As I was
 walking closer and closer to my old world, my stomach couldn't help but feel slightly agitated. Words can not express my joy. I have been missing this world for the last three years. Three years! It has been three years since I last spoke to the people that I once couldn't last seconds without. God, thank you so much. Ever since I listened to my parents and agreed to attend that fancy private school, my life has become hell, almost literally.

I just despise those private
 school kids. Most of them are the snobby children of rich folk. My friends there were pretty rich, too. They just were rejected there because their parents did not earn as much as other parents. In simple words, they were poor compared to most people there. The reason I hung out with them was because they were not smart enough to fall for appearances. I know this is stupid, but for the first few weeks of school, I act like a poor nerd who needs to be smart to help the family survive.

Trust me, if anyone saw my house, their jaws would drop so low that they would break off. When you look at me, I look like I live in the poorest side of town ever. The truth is the total opposite. I am so obsessed with my geek image that I even take the public bus. I know I may sound crazy, but I love playing with peoples' heads. It's so much fun to see how they were so wrong about something. Why do I even care?

Anyway, it has been three years since I last saw anyone from
 Mountain Creek, my home town. I may live here and be out a lot, but our town is weird like that. People don't talk to you unless they know you from someplace. So, like I have been trying to tell the world [Well... you], I am going to start my first day at Mountain Creek High School! I am so excited! Trust me; I have wanted to come back here since freshman year. Actually, that is a lie. I have been dying to come back since I went to the private school in the eighth grade. I wonder why I even said yes to my parents to go there in the first place. It must have been my love for adventure or something along those lines. 

I kept
 walking closer to my destination, Mountain Creek High School. When it was close enough to admire, I just kept looking at the school and admiring its beauty. There were students walking on the lawn and sitting on it as well. They all looked so free, happy, and joyous. I remember the days when I went to Mountain Creek Middle School with my best friend, Andrea. The middle school had a similar design, but it was much smaller in size because it did not need to fit as many students as this high school. Still admiring the new PUBLIC school I was now a student of, I walked closer and closer to its large doors. I reached onto the handles of the doors and opened them. I stepped in and smiled while looking at the hallways. I was finally free, and hopefully I will be accepted in my new life as well.

Kiss of Love-Poem

That Kiss of Love
Our journey in this tunnel...
Traveling through this Tunnel... an unending journey
With rises and falls... we shall never forget
This forever-lasting eternity
... Neither a utopia nor a prison cell
Swarming with butterflies in the heart and soul...
Exhilarating as that first roller coaster ride...
Almost as beautiful as a graceful run in the meadow
...Running amongst the fields of lush, verdant grasses and sparkling flowers
Brightening up with warming smiles and childish laughs...
Wishing to see that face once again
...and feel the emotions with which I learned of this tunnel
Covered in an unknown blindness... yet having no fear of the darkness
Tempted to go in deeper and remain in this beautiful night's dream
After losing the blindness... wondering how you arrived
...Why did you come at all?
Making me return...
To a place of forever mystery
Envy and greed for just that one...
Hoping for that wish to come true
...You telling me what I wish
... Shall never ever be true
...Wondering how this is true
Why this refusal?
Why should I believe you?
And receive your betrayal...
In the darkness
Unveiling me to the light
...Burning the embers in my eyes
If only you were mine...
Then I would forget this time...
And certainly let myself me blind...

Pool of Love-Poem

Whether vividly-colored or dull,
Whether light or dark,
Whether meant to be..
Or meant to see..
Crimson conduits flowing through
Coated with a rosy joy
Brightening up anyone's day
Rising and falling lines..
Seeming all as a success
No time for meaningless worries..
Imagining you..
wishing I remembered you..
Who were you...
A person or mystery
What were you...
Man or creature
How were you...
Pure or dulled
Struggling to remember..
Just remembering that day..
So silly yet intriguing..
how cards made this be..
Teaching me how to play..
And I..
Clueless of what to do..
Waiting for your leave
After your departure..
Winning the table...
And acting as if it was due to you...
That victory
Complications filling the pool of desire
Wishing for us to never be..
Spirits rising from the dark..
Haunting that crimson..
Remembering that day..
Playing those cards..
Feeling unimportant and uncared for...
Realizing how what happened was fruitless..
Attempting to forget you and those memories..
Sweet and sour memories..
Bitter and spicy memories..
Trying to forget
And move on
Trapped in the pool
Between complications
And my newly discovered..
What I may attempt to call..